Bikini Blushes

Holding my stomach in...definitely sucking hard!

Bikini: Primark

I have a pretty stupid tradition of buying a new bikini for each new holiday and this year I decided I wanted a 1950's style, high-waisted style and found this tie-dye style in cheap fashion mecca, Primark. And I realise how pathetic this sounds, but for the first time I had to buy a size 10 bottoms instead of my usual 8's. We all know our own bodies, and this was the first holiday that my body felt different. I'm a slim person, I know that, but my body is no longer as firm as it once was, there were dimples and rolls where once there had been abs. Metabolism is catching up with me in my old age!

And then I looked around at the other girls I was with. Not one of us was bigger than a size 12 and yet everyone moaned and complained about our figures when we were around the pool. Let me be clear, all of us looked amazing. Floppy hats, sheer cover ups and stylish sunglasses complimented gorgeous bikinis. At our hotel, we were practically celebrities, the staff and guests alike fawning all over each us wherever we went in the hotel (LOL) and yet we were all bitching about our own bodies the moment we were stripped down.

Body confidence has never really been an issue for me. My mum was pretty open about the naked body and I've always felt confident with mine. Ex lovers have told me the way I would walk around naked was pretty unusual, but I've always felt comfortable in my own skin. But when surrounded by the girls, suddenly I was realising all my new 'flaws' and picking them apart.

The night before I flew out to Tunisia I watched Plus Sized Wars on Channel 4, a documentary about the rise of plus sized bloggers. While some thought they glorified obesity, I felt they just wanted to be allowed to look as glam as everyone else and why shouldn't they? But what struck me was how supportive they were of each other (well apart from when one wanted to lose weight...women, get it together!) 

In the end, we all started to tell each other to shut up whenever anyone said anything negative about their size. If I want to tone up, I know what to do, we all do. But at the end of the day this is the one body I've got and I've never been ashamed of it before so I don't need to start now!

Pink Lady

Dress: Missguided

Wedge heels: River Island

When I was away, I saw a meme on Instagram which I now can't find (HATE that) but it was basically taking the piss out of the idea that girls wear expensive red bottomed heels, slinky dresses and chic make-up for guys - in fact it ended with "fu*k johnny lol"

And I agree.

When I wore this dress on a night out in Tunisia (all the bridesmaids wore pink, bride-to-be wore white), as I slipped into it and worried about nip slips sans tit-tape, guys thoughts on my appearance were the last thing on my mind. I wanted the other girls to like my dress and think I looked hot, I wanted to feel sexy and comfortable enough to slut drop if the feeling took me. It was a hen trip after all! I think most girls dress for other girls.

A big group of us from the hotel went out that night and there was a British girl who was all over a Tunisian guy...the kind of girl who dressed for a guy, maybe. But one night she got chatting to some of the other girls I was with and she confessed that she had been watching us all and we all looked so great and full of confidence. She basically wanted to join our crew!

Because when you see a girl who looks glamorous or edgy or super stylish, you wish you could look like that too, exude that confidence or attitude or whatever it is she's giving off.

I've never been super stylish, I wear what looks good on me or to suit whatever mood I'm in.

I don't dress to get attention from guys, in fact I find it annoying most of the time. I've been in relationships where I've been complimented wildly and consistently to ones where the highest praise I ever received was 'you look pretty', (genuinely don't know how my ego dealt with that one) so I don't really look for it there either. I dress to feel like I good when I look in the mirror. And for my girlfriends to ask me where I got my dress.

Tropical Tunisia

Vest: Dorothy Perkins

Skirt: Charity shop

Sandals: Barrats

I bought this skirt for £2 when out shopping with my mum and sister, who were convinced I would never wear it...well ha! I knew I'd be able to wear it, I love the bright vibrant colours and it was perfect for a day at the market and wine tasting at Le Chateau while in Tunisia. You can see how excited I was for the wine in the above photos and we all managed to pick up some super cheap bargains at the market, some of which I'll be showing off on here soon!

Fairy Princess

Floral Crown: Crown and Glory

Vest: H&M

Skirt: vintage M&S (St. Michael) slip, found at a carboot sale

Sandals: New Look

I wore this outfit on holiday with the girls in Tunisia and when asked what I was calling this look I called it Fairy Princess. The ethereal pale teal colour and the satin of the skirt made me feel like a princess and the crown added to the fairy feel for a night of smoking shisha at the hotel.

Shan the Mannequin

Sometimes, it can feel like I'm a mannequin, what with the career I've chosen. Learning lines for auditions, learning to love and dream of playing characters I never get to play because I don't get the part. Even the day job I have is freelance, so it's often a matter of putting on a bit of a display, looking my best and trying to get work.

What I've learned is important over the years, is finding days or moments that are golden, despite the ups and downs of life, the lack of work, messing up auditions or doing brilliant auditions and still not getting the part because you're too tall or don't look right. I need to find golden days to stop myself feeling like a mannequin.

Dress | Primark

Ballet pumps | Primark

Red bag | Bessie via my Aunt's shop

These photos were taken on a day in central London with my little sister; lunch in Soho square, a wander around Soho, snooping around Carnaby Street and Beyond Retro, milkshakes outside in the sun. A golden day.

Comfy Monki

Top: Monki

Jeans: Car-boot

Converse

I missed the relaunch of last weeks London flagship Monki store, but I am a big fan of their stuff, fun without being too caught up in trends and very affordable, so I dug out this cropped top the other day. The jeans are more like jogging bottoms actually, super dropped crotch and elasticated waistband but the best part? I got them for £1 at a carboot sale! I had no idea if they would fit as i couldn't find a size label anywhere, but they do and I love them.

p.s what says spring more than daffodils? Hope you're all enjoying this glorious weather we are having at the moment!