Bikini Blushes

Holding my stomach in...definitely sucking hard!

Bikini: Primark

I have a pretty stupid tradition of buying a new bikini for each new holiday and this year I decided I wanted a 1950's style, high-waisted style and found this tie-dye style in cheap fashion mecca, Primark. And I realise how pathetic this sounds, but for the first time I had to buy a size 10 bottoms instead of my usual 8's. We all know our own bodies, and this was the first holiday that my body felt different. I'm a slim person, I know that, but my body is no longer as firm as it once was, there were dimples and rolls where once there had been abs. Metabolism is catching up with me in my old age!

And then I looked around at the other girls I was with. Not one of us was bigger than a size 12 and yet everyone moaned and complained about our figures when we were around the pool. Let me be clear, all of us looked amazing. Floppy hats, sheer cover ups and stylish sunglasses complimented gorgeous bikinis. At our hotel, we were practically celebrities, the staff and guests alike fawning all over each us wherever we went in the hotel (LOL) and yet we were all bitching about our own bodies the moment we were stripped down.

Body confidence has never really been an issue for me. My mum was pretty open about the naked body and I've always felt confident with mine. Ex lovers have told me the way I would walk around naked was pretty unusual, but I've always felt comfortable in my own skin. But when surrounded by the girls, suddenly I was realising all my new 'flaws' and picking them apart.

The night before I flew out to Tunisia I watched Plus Sized Wars on Channel 4, a documentary about the rise of plus sized bloggers. While some thought they glorified obesity, I felt they just wanted to be allowed to look as glam as everyone else and why shouldn't they? But what struck me was how supportive they were of each other (well apart from when one wanted to lose weight...women, get it together!) 

In the end, we all started to tell each other to shut up whenever anyone said anything negative about their size. If I want to tone up, I know what to do, we all do. But at the end of the day this is the one body I've got and I've never been ashamed of it before so I don't need to start now!