PRIDE in the Park

The day after London Pride, some friends and I headed over to Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens for Pride in the Park, a chilled day of music and food in the sun. A day for people of all genders and sexualities to celebrate our right to live and love how we want. I wore Topshop leggings and vest, with a little H&M jacket and New Look hat, accessorizing with a Barefoot bottle of Rose wine. Of course!

Christmas Prints

Christmas is just around the corner and the Christmas parties, gatherings and catc-ups have begun..
Rather than stick to monochrome or the classic red jumper I decided to go for print that would clash beautifully with the Christmas tree.
I picked up this incredible African print inspired shirt at the Bloggers Swapshop and love the slightly longer cut and large collar. The bright colours are perfect for brightening up a boring December day.

Above are some of the presents from our little friends Christmas earlier this week. We gave ourselves a budget of for each present and managed to find some really well suited presents on the cheap, I'll be wearing some of my gifts very soon! How cute is the Queen Nataly drew onto my pressie? It's meant to be me! Wrapping paper you can't bear to throw away...

Friendspiration

I think the best people to draw inspiration from are the people you already know.
Sure you can be inspired by the likes of a pop star all over the tele or a blogger that seemingly has everything just by writing a few words online and that's all good, but actually the people who make the most impact on us day to day, are the people in our lives, our families and friends, people at work, partners.

At the weekend I headed over to a friends new home to celebrate her birthday and see how the renovations were going. I was sooo impressed with how much they'd got done and their design choices, even the Christmas tree! Ruth is the second friend of mine to buy a place recently, and while buying is not even in my sights just now, it shows me it can be done and is definitely inspiring.

The girls above are mates I've had since I was 11, we all went to school together and 17 years later are still as close as ever. It feels great to know I've got such good friends but even more than that they inspire me. Life is different for twenty somethings now than it used to be or than we had thought it was going to all turn out. A Glamour magazine report found that 56% of readers aged 29-30 are less financially secure than they expected to be and loads of people are living in the family home. House prices are crazy especially in London, but my mates give me a little flicker of hope!

And it's not just property. One of my best mates Louise (often featured on the blog) is retraining in naturopthic nutrition, whilst working full time and another intends to eventually swap her sturdy secure job in law for the wedding videography business she's started with her boyfriend. It felt great to hear her say that she was a little bit inspired by me, with my not so secure lifestyle but absolute commitment and passion for chasing my dreams. A friend I used to be close to recently called off her wedding to the man she had been with for 8 years, much to the shock of everyone, but is now blissfully happy with someone else, and that has inspired me not to settle for less than I deserve in my own relationships.

Adult life comes with its challenges so I like to find inspiration wherever I can. But it means just that little bit more when the people I'm inspired by are my amazing friends. Here's to h

Fight Your Friends

I need friends I can fight with. Okay not a full on punch up but I need friends I can disagree with, who I can feel no way about telling them I don’t support their decision whether that be a lipstick colour or boyfriend. And I need to know that our friendship can survive that.

I’ve always been a person that has treasured my friendships, never the girl to drop her friends when in love. But that’s not to say I haven’t been through my fair share of bullshit with people I’ve thought were my friends. I see people promoting their superficial friendships, and that’s not soo bad, we all have that super fun mate who’s only good for messy nights out (it only becomes a worry when it’s a constant rotation of messy bitches and none of them last longer than a month).

We all have friendships that we outgrow, we move on in life geographically, emotionally, even morally. Unless you really want to it can be hard to maintain friendships with someone who lives in another city or who has slept with your partner (remember those people I thought were friends?) but equally I have friends in America I know I can stay with whenever I need and friendships that I thought had been destroyed by sexual misdemeanors that are actually still going strong today.

I guess the thread is a desire. A desire to make the friendship work that is as deep on both sides and respect. The worst kind of friendship is the toxic friendship – often you don’t realise how bad this kind of friendship is until you are free of it, and these toxic friendships by a lack of respect that eventually causes them to crumble.

I’ve had my fair share of toxic friendships.

Most of them were so self-centred that they didn’t and probably still wouldn’t see any wrongdoing on their part. There was the one who managed to make every situation about her and was so silver tongued she’d convince you she was in the right even when deep down you knew she wasn’t. I don’t need friends who can’t take an opinion that differs from theirs just as much as I don’t need friends who will always agree with me. My best friends are my best friends because they are more than willing to tell me when I’m in the wrong about something or give me a kick up the ass when I need one. They don’t pander to me and that gives me license to do the same for them. Friendship is not all about being in complete agreement.

Then there was another who was so controlling that she micro-managed her whole friendship group down to who could socialise with who and when. She was also gifted in the area of guilt tripping. I found myself having to lie or avoid her calls so that I wouldn’t have to make another journey to her house (she lived ages away and would never come to mine) and then being wracked with guilt as the BBMs came through. I’ve since found out that other friends in the same circle also feel they have to lie so it’s a relief knowing that it definitely is her and not me!

Friendship is a two way street and if both people don’t feel their needs are being met, it begins to become toxic, and withers with unspoken resentment if things are left unsaid. I’m a big believer in Truth Days, a name my friends came up with for a day dedicated to airing grievances, everything they’ve done lately that’s pissed you off and how they’ve made you feel. With the air cleared and everything laid on the table it is so much easier to move on, aware of ways you can improve a friendship that is important to you.

I have friends from lots of different stages in my life and different social circles but one thing they all share is the ability to speak honestly and freely and that is why they’ve lasted so long.

At 18 I was super excited to go on my first ever girls holiday to Zante in Greece. It was the Worst. Holiday. Of. My. Life! Bitching, sulking, backstabbing and tears all week long. One of those girls I’ve never spoken to again, one we had an 8 month breather before a Truth Day that salvaged our friendship and the final girl and I didn’t speak for 2 years but we sorted it out in the end.

That’s the other thing about friendship. Some are just for a time in your life or to teach you something about yourself; a season or a reason. Others can take a hiatus or even a fight and work themselves out in the long run, if both parties are willing; a friendship for a lifetime.

And You Don't Know Why You Cry...

I'm so wrapped up in my heartbreak
I don't notice that your heart aches
So you find solace in a bottle and the
Nicotine that fills your lungs
On those late nights in the arms of
Someone who treats you with disdain and
Is immune to your pain
And you don't know why,
Why you cry
Or you do know, you just don't want to think about it,
To dig beneath the surface and be forced to address
The things about your past that make the present so dark
Because that might be worse than emotionless sex or running back to your ex
And I don't even see that you
Don't know why you cry
But I'm supposed to be your friend
It's you that I turn to again and again
To discuss everything from the life changing to the mundane
But when I ask you what's wrong
Your eyes fill with shame
And you tell me you still don't know why
Why you cry
And to forget it, just you being stupid, nothing to worry about at all
But now I'm afraid every time you don't answer my call
And I envision you sitting with your back against the wall
Tears falling into your vodka
Thoughts rushing that you don't want to decipher
And you certainly can't explain
So you breathe in the smoke to anaesthetise the pain
Tomorrow you'll wake up and do the same thing again
Because you still don't know why
Why you cry
I didn't see the tears in your eyes because of your smile
Or the escapism behind our drunken nights
But now I know it seems glaringly obvious
And I can't help but wonder how I missed this
All I want to say is
I don't care why
Why you cry
Just please know that you can cry with me.